Okay, now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. Yes, I said the word. Yes, it is the one that rhymes with witch. There are times when there is no other word that really describes her…that part of you that is innate, untamed…weeds and all!
My awareness of my inner b**ch is very fresh in my mind because I have been struggling with her a lot recently. It is all very nice to say I realize I am a sinner. It sounds very nice and sterile. I become desensitized to the full meaning of the word.
Lately however, I’ve been dealing with my inner b**ch…and a menopausal one at that…much worse than the average. My awareness of who I am at heart is often splashed in my face like ice water. Then I realize…I’m not the loveable sweetheart I’d like to think I am.
This is a better name for the true me than simply “sinner”
My inner b**ch is probably a truer description of the real me than simply the word “sinner.” My inner b**ch is awful. She keeps me awake at night. She will not let anything go! If she is unhappy with something, she holds onto it…with grudges, perseverations and connivances for retribution.
But honestly, I can’t blame it all on her…or on medication that waxes and wanes. If I weren’t like that naturally, there wouldn’t be a problem. But I am and there is…a big grand problem! How to behave? How to tame the beast in me?
Growing up means changing from the inside out, not just cosmetically
So as you are “growing up” remember that somewhere under the manners and politeness, there lies your inner b**tch. She is evil and mean. She has no desire to forgive or to do the right thing or to obey GOD’s Word. She just wants to do her thing and have her way. She wants to hold grudges and has no natural desire to forgive…none! And most of all, she wants revenge!
GOD help me, as He works to tame this beast. Help me to repent and walk by faith. Help me to repent of my sinful ways and trust GOD to change me. Give me a heart of flesh instead of the heart of stone I so often have! Make me tender toward GOD, His ways and His people.
As you come face to face with your inner b**ch, ask for GOD’s grace in facing the ugliness you see deep in your soul. It is often painful to see and can be overwhelming.
Then trust His ability to forgive as you repent and walk by faith. Remember GOD’s words of hope to those of us who are in Christ:
Now may the God of peace,
who through the blood of the eternal covenant
brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus,
that great Shepherd of the sheep,
equip you with everything good for doing his will,
and may he work in us what is pleasing to him,
through Jesus Christ,
to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Our only hope is in this great Shepherd!